apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
