Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
BRING THE BAGELS
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
