I'm going to jail i love you
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
