How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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