I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I cut my penus on the lid.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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