So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
