Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
