Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
