what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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