I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize