I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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