Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
