i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
