dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
