I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
