Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
