I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
