Where are you?
In a non slutty way
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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