actually, I'm a sock model
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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