You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
