Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
