I would go down on you faster than GM stock
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
