He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
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Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize