I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
