i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I want her autograph on my taint
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
