im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
this boner is exhausting
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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