Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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