I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
