I want to walk on stilts...naked
home. puking in laundry basket.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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