is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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