thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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