Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
