well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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