I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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