dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
