Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
sex in a hospital.. check
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
