if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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