Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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