sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
