so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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