so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
