We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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