my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
