Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
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I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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