Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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