Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
