a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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