you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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