Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
