She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
