I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
