It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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