Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
