i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
