i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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