this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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