So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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