I heard we made out
Life is so much better after having sex.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
