I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
